Frustrations of a Fanboy: Xbone vs. Xbox One

Welcome to the first installment of Frustrations of a Fanboy – a soon to be randomly regularly recurring feature on the MttG blog. Enjoy. 

Hello, my name is Chris and I’m an Xbox fanboy. While I grew up an avid PC gamer (I have very little nostalgia for the Nintendo years), in my early 20s I fell in love with the Xbox, stopped putting new (and expensive) hardware my computer every few months, and haven’t looked back. I’ve spent more time with Masterchief than I have with many of my own friends and family. We’re bros now. Masterchief is my homie.

So in last week’s poll (Dope or Nope: The Next Gen Cometh), I called the Xbox One the “Xbone” and I have gotten some flack for doing so.

“It’s disrespectful!”

“It’s rude!”

“It perpetuates the perception that Xbox is screwing up this gen’s release”

“You’re just feeding the PS4 trolls!”

Listen, I hear you. I do. I know that the Xbox One earned that nickname in part for the massively mishandled launch. I vividly remember my own anger and frustration as I dug through specs and tech reviews and realized that Microsoft was either mis-communicating the amazing features or skipping them completely. This machine was going to be out of control amazing (“Xbox On” – voice and gesture control? The future is NOW, people!) and was already pushing the boundaries – and maybe ignoring the boundaries completely – of what a console IS (have you SEEN the new ad?!)… and yet, every time an Xbox rep opened his mouth, all that seemed to come out was failure and stupidity. I head-desked so often during E3 I’m pretty sure I put cracks in my desk.  This article just about summed up my feelings…

“So why would you do that, Chris?! You’re a Fanboy for crap’s sake! Why bring back all the pain and frustration?”

Why? Well, there are two reasons.

ONE: Because it was inevitable. They named the thing “Xbox One.” Not only that, they’ve been insistent on using the word “One” instead of the numeral “1.” The name (and the constant use of “One” in all branded communication) combined with the fact that, since its very first incarnation, the Xbox has been abbreviated as XB made it impossible that it WOULDN’T be called the Xbone. They did it to themselves. Phil Spencer, head of Microsoft Studios, said it himself in an interview with Gamespot:

“At first, I guess the thing that bugged me the most is I didn’t see it. I’d been looking at the name for Xbox One for months, and I wasn’t clever enough to merge them and come up with Xbone.”

TWO:  Because here’s the thing – I LIKE the nickname. There. I said it. I, Chris Dumoulin – Xbox Fanboy – LIKE THE NAME XBONE. You know what I think when I read “Xbone?”

This:

skull-crossbones

BAM. Cross bones, man. I read “xbone” and I think Pirates. And let me tell you, I love me some pirates. Pirates are awesome. I’m just dreaming of the special edition Xbox One with the laser-etched Skull-n-Bones on it. Maybe an Assassin’s Creed : Black Flag edition? Fanboy WANTS it.

I know that our beloved Major Nelson hates the moniker and, as an Xbox loyalist, I guess I should hate it too if only for the sake of solidarity. But I don’t. I really really don’t.

I love it and I’m making it mine. I’m unashamedly casting my vote on the Microsoft Crossbones for this gen’s winner.

Haters can walk the plank.

self5

Or, as I like to call it, “Parkour with Knives”

3 comments

  1. Mike Fowler

    Like the post. I was a both platformer owner in the beginning of this generation I ended and sticking playstation though. I don’t have a problem with “xbox” just the puppetmaster, microsoft. When I say Microsoft I’m talking about how they see I feel some of there consumers. Also I know playstation is doing it with ps4 making you pay to play online but at least not buying it won’t make it be such an empty system. Why should I pay extra to watch mynetflix since I’m paying for it in the first place. I have problems with microsoft always trying to find that dollar to benefit them which is what companies want I understand that but I doesn’t make it right. I rather it be SEGA XBOX than Microsoft lol

  2. Mike Fowler

    Lol heck my fav. Game memory I sent was about playing halo 2 with my friends in high school

  3. I thought I was the only on who actually liked the name Xbone. I hope Ion’t offebd anyone, but that’s what I intend to call it.